Revision

I chose to revise my very first piece of writing from my freshman english class, which was my personal narrative. I chose to revise this essay because this is the essay that I enjoyed writing the most. I liked how we could pick the story we wanted to write about and write about it. I wrote about my lake day experience at Camp Ozark. I focused on the particular traits that I did, which were replacing overused words, replacing abstract words, and correcting my comma splices, because I felt that fixing these issues would make the paper overall a better paper. I also tried to fix all the things Dr. D gave me feedback on for my submitted version on turn it in. I felt that fixing these issues would make the paper more enjoyable to read because I want people to want to read my personal narrative since it was a fun paper for me to write and this was one of the best experiences of my life. I enjoyed revising this essay, and therefore, I hope people enjoy reading it.

Incomparable Lake Day at Incomparable Camp Ozark

            Crammed on the bus from Camp Ozark to the Lake Ouchita for cabin lake day was bouncy, loud and quite exciting. Every twenty seconds it felt like we would hit a bump in the road and everyone would bounce up and down in their seats, shrieking and laughing, and some of us even falling into the aisle. This was one of the only times we could be noisy and obnoxious on a bus without annoying the bus driver or making him not be able to focus on his driving. One time he looked back in his rearview mirror at everyone singing and would giggle along with us,  he even started singing, more like shouting with all of us. I thought about all the amazing and exciting activities I would get to enjoy and maybe even try some things for the first time at Lake Ouchita in the heated, sunshiny state of Arkansas. While pondering about all the activities I could enjoy that I have never gotten to experience before, I was also humming songs with everyone else on the bus while having conversations on and off with the two people sitting next to me. We were being squished and crammed by having three people in a row that is only designed for two people. All of the cheerful campers on the bus was singing very deafeningly, and we were off pitch, but no one cared what their voices sounded like because everyone just appreciated being able to sing at the top of their lungs while on a bus. The conversations I had with my friends were about what we were going to do on the lake. Somehow being crushed and jam-packed with so many people was such an entertaining experience. This bus ride to the lake was how the beginning of lake day started.

            Of the two weeks while staying at incomparable Camp Ozark, each cabin had a day where they joined a few other cabins and drove about ten minutes away from Camp Ozark to the sparkling and refreshing Lake Ouchita. Each cabin got to get on a boat and spend the whole day on the boat, except for when we hiked back up to the bus for lunch. Lake day was not only getting to enjoy all the activities, but it was also about bonding with your cabin and growing as close to each other as we could in two weeks. For me, this experience taught me a lot more about myself than I thought I knew.

            After the short bus ride, we finally arrived to Lake Ouchita. From the moment I got there, I knew I was going to have one of the best days of my life, getting to spend it with some of the best people I will ever meet. Everyone piled out of the bus and ran down to the dock to get a boat. As soon as all twelve campers and our two counselors were in the boat, the boat driver asked us, “Who’s ready to have one of the best days ever?”

All of us said,  “We are!!!”

Then, the boat driver turned up the music really loud and began driving to the first spot on the lake where we were going to wake board. The ride there was rough, exhilarating, and windy.  Some girls in my cabin had wake boarded before and were not nervous at all and were very excited to do it. The other girls in the cabin, including myself had never wake boarded before and were frightened to try wake boarding for the first time ever.

My friend, Andrea, hesitantly decided to go first. She had never wake boarded before but had decided she wanted to try it. Sitting in the boat along with the other people in my cabin, I watched Andrea as she jumped into the water, holding her nose with her left hand so that she wouldn’t get water in her nose. Andrea strapped her feet in the shoes and grasped the rope. I could tell by her face that she was nervous but also excited to try something new. The boat driver screamed, “Are you ready to shred the waves?”

Andrea laughed at the way he said this and replied, “I guess so!!”

The boat driver started driving and Andrea slowly stood up, and the next thing I knew Andrea looked like a professional! She looked like she had done this multiple times, but this really was only her first time. She finally flew off when the boat made a sharp turn and she hit a wave. She let go of the rope and got a lot of water in her nose, but she was laughing and smiling with a huge smile that lit up her face. Although Andrea had a pleasurable time, she decided she would let someone else take a turn. She took off the shoes and swam back to the boat. She climbed back on, soaking wet and described to everyone how much fun it was.

I decided that it was my turn. I wanted to try something I had never done before and this was the perfect place to try something new. This was one of the only opportunities I would have to wake board. Instead of thinking of all the bad things that could possibly happen, which is what I usually do when I’m trying something for the first time that I am nervous to do, I started thinking of how much fun I was going to have, how proud my parents would be if I told them I wake boarded for the first time, and the self-accomplishment I would feel. The boat driver asked who wanted to go next, and I told him I was going to try it but I would probably not be very good at it. He reassured me that not everyone is good the first time they try it and that it would be okay if I didn’t stand up because at least I tried it.

I made sure my bright green life jacket was securely tightened even though I knew how to swim. The lifejacket not being securely tightened was just something that worried me. After talking to Andrea about her experience, I decided that nothing that bad could happen to me. I sat on the back of the boat to put my feet in the big shoes while the music was playing really loudly and my friends were singing and dancing. I had my feet strapped in the shoes and jumped in the water with the board attached to my feet. The water was refreshing and it felt good. It was a little wavy from the waves made by the boat. I swam out to the end of the rope on my back, using my arms to swim since the board was attached to my feet. I got to the end and it finally hit me that I was actually about to wake board. The nervousness and bad thoughts started going through my mind. I was already in the water and ready to go, so it would be embarrassing if I changed my mind and swam back to the boat after I convinced myself that I was going to do this. Everyone sat back down on the seats and so this is when I knew it was almost time. The boat driver said the same thing to me that he did to Andrea, he asked, “Are you ready to shred the waves?”

I was very nervous and everyone could tell, so I said, “I’m so nervous, but I really want to do this!

Everyone in my cabin, including my favorite counselor France screamed from the boat, “We know you can do this, Liza!!”

Without thinking anymore about it, I told the boat driver I was ready. The boat started going and the sparkling clear water splashed in my face. I was focusing exactly on what I had to do to stand up. I kept my arms straight, leaned backwards hesitantly the whole time, and slowly started to straighten my legs. The next thing I knew, I was standing up. Everyone was jumping up and down with excitement because they knew I could do it and they were so excited for me. I was laughing and smiling and thinking to myself all the things I couldn’t wait to tell my family about my first experience wake boarding. My arms started to hurt and then we hit a big wave. I went flying off and fell forward on my stomach. I came up from the water smiling and laughing even though I just belly-flopped into the water. I decided that once was also enough for me, just like it was for Andrea. I swam back to the boat and then my whole cabin went swimming together before it was the next persons’ turn.

This experience taught me that if I put my mind to something and eliminated the damaging, unenthusiastic, and negative thoughts of things that could happen, I could do more things than I thought. This experience not only taught me things about myself, but it is also an experience that I will never forget. It was a day that I got to spend with some of my favorite people ever, in one of my favorite places ever.